5 a.m

so much later than midnight

waking up of the weight and sweat of a messy dream

and then the brain drain…

there are times like this, later than midnights, when life sounds nothing but a short term to do list.

a broken one, the one in which you are just always behind yourself, and you have done it all grey and wrong.

the spiral to do list, giving the illusion of a path.

I hurt myself, without even bleeding

I hurt myself at the deepest places.

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Rejection

What I went for yesterday,

was more a strategy of failure.

the habit of giving up on who you really are.

I can not write for others, and I can not dance for others.

I refuse to exist for others or to serve their eyes,

because my vision is not to be what they want to see. freedom is my forever moto.

I let them go,

I let them leave my horizon.

Then right away, I refocus on my momentos joy

in a still vast vast field

remained to me

free of crossing thoughts.

23:55

My mind has learnt to let go

meanwhile I was busy moving my way

without paying much attention

My knees hurt alongside my whole physics

But I feel the chill

I feel some equilibrium

Good night!

Four directions

Let your eyes

cut things

if they need to

Let your edges be sharp

if you need to

and roll and scroll

melt the tension inside of you

and let your hands break spaces

if they need to

Montag

It is fascinating

to watch eyes

that have been through pain

To watch how some bright rays of joy,

can turn to ashes

and still be beautiful.

before dancing

I paused her dance show in the middle

because at that very point

there was no curiosity anymore

rather self-manipulation

consistency

yes!

wait,

I don’t know.

Maybe.

Listen I don’t want to be spiritual today,

I dont want to go deep

rather scientific

although you cant say it is the opposite

I want to live the surface today

show no empathy

be direct

I want to die my natural hair color again

into another color

but it is not about that either,

Today I don’t want to mind the business of universe

neither mind my own business,

careless and clear

careless and clear

careless and clear

sunshine at Wolfsburg

on my way to the south,

thoughts ( pensamientos, however it is spelled)

thoughts pass my mind one after another

in the most random order

like the fields pass these train

or the train passes the fields.

No! much messier than that

I am too sleepy for such a beautiful early morning,

mind tired of my to-do list.

although I know this list is never going to be seized.

I know, the only way to lose life is not moving.

I know the only way to peace in the chaos is “doing”.